Thirty days…. No instagram, no social media… just myself. My own inspiration generated by what’s around me. My own path to intuition. My own time spent doing things I love, immersing myself in mother ocean, being present and not distracting myself with images, scrolling, and a collage of images on a little 3×5 inch screen. Something that seemed so harmless, turned out to be so mindless, malicious, and time consuming for me. It created so much suffering and pain, that I didn’t even realize I was feeling. Slowing down my recovery and path to self discovery. I struggled whether or not I should even post today. Struggling and walking a fine line between showing vs. sharing.
Was it hard? The first few days, ok week, was VERY challenging. FOMO sets in and you think, “how am I going to get my news?!”, “what are the latest memes going around?” Or worse, “What if people unfollow me?” The constant picking up my phone to check an app that wasn’t there, only to try to ease my autopilot pain and scroll through old photos on my phone, already checked emails, and my bank account. Anything to ease the habit I had built of checking, responding, consuming, and wanting.
Once the discomfort settled and I accepted this change, I started accepting that life moves on without Instagram, without posting, responding, mindlessly grasping for more. More food recipes, more body images, more clothing. I realized that social media was my accomplice to my self judgment and destruction and was only aiding in my ability not to recover and learn who I am, what I value, or what I like. What was I to do without the “inspo” of my feed to tell me what to eat, how to eat, what to wear, buy, do act, feel or not feel. I realized that it was a tool I was using to distract me from feeling the uncomfortableness of being alone and at peace with my mind and my decisions.
During my thirty days, I spent a lot of time searching for things that remind me who I am and what I like, and will continue to do so. I read three books, surfed every chance I could, worked and just wondered around my neighborhood or down to the beach. It was incredible noticing things, feelings, and people I never really noticed before. I set up some new habits to get me out of old habits, which were only giving me short term satisfaction, but long term pain. Small changes like no social media, going to bed early and reading, instead of watching TV late. Waking up and having lemon water and setting an intention. I started “music mornings” where I don’t turn on the news or any media and just blast some tunes, eat breakfast and feel the morning.
Coming back and posting for the first time again was very difficult for me. I struggled with whether or not I should/needed to explain or share about my experience. I am both thankful and grateful to all my followers and friends who messaged or texted me during this time. While that was not my intention, it really showed me who is really there for me, what a beautiful community of followers I have and what/who really matters. Friends and family. My constants. My support system who will be there not matter what.
So while I am returning to social media, I will be taking a step back from posting constantly, sharing my meals/cooking (sorry), and my constant life updates.
Simple is the word I keep returning to these days. Simplifying my processes, habits, life, possessions, food, choices and thoughts.
Balance, persistence and consistency are the three others that have really spoke to me these past thirty days. Balancing the highs and the lows. Persisting when things get uncomfortable or change. And giving myself a consistent set of values, habits, behaviors to allow myself to be happy, healthy, and free.
It’s going to be a continuous journey, but for now I hope you all take the time to feel and be inspired by yourselves. Get back to your roots. Remind yourself who you are and what you value. Because honestly, there is nothing more important than loving yourself and allowing yourself to be your truest self.
Love to you all and I’ll check in soon and hopefully learn to balance this social media life and share (not show) you all my passions, adventures and lessons along the way.
Cheers for now. Xoxo.